mariamusic

Printed in May 2005 edition of the TA Times.
(not edited version)
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As a woman I will have to wear hejab when I leave the house,or at any occasion when I appear in public.As a hejab I wear a scarf to cover my hair and a long coat to cover my body.The family which I have got adapted in is considered as a religious one.I as a girl had to start my religous duties such as praying,fasting , hejab and etc since I was 9 years old.This is a rule for girls. Boys do start theirs since they are 18 years old.Children do stay home with their mothers while fathers go out for work. In some families both parents have jobs and need to leave the house,in such cases the children either are already going to school or kindigarten or they are left home with family members such like older sister or brothers,grand mothers,aunts...etc. My father and mother seperated when I was 7 or 8 years old,so it was my aunt who took the role of an almost mother for me. I did spend lots of my time at her house and my uncles' houses when my father was at work or when I would come home from school. It was forbidden for me to stay home alone. Some time to time my father would hire a servant to do the house works,while she was home it was fine for me to go straight home from school and not to my relatives.This rule had to be followed till I finished highschool and started going to the university. In many families when the girls marry,then they do considered out of their parents control.Some are as restricted as my family some are harder some take it more easy on girls.
I married when I was 20.I met him at the university. My father and the rest of the family would not agree with us to continue our relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend,neither socially at that time such a relationship was allowed.Engagement was accepted,and when nessecary had to be proven.
Premaretal sex is forbidden,recently I hear that there are lots of girls who do lose their virginity before they get married and sometimes they do never marry the man whom with they had the sexual relationship.
I stayed in that marriage for 6 years.As a married woman I had to do all I knew to make my husband happy,I had to create a safe,loving,warm house for him to come back to after work.There were also some duties which I had to follow as a wife such like obeying him as much as I could. I had a new social role and duties as a married woman,such like inviting families and friends, appearing in many different social aspects and gatherings and etc. I never gave a birth to any child during my marriage.
I got my divorce when I was 27 years old. I seperated my life and house from him when I was late 26. It took me 6 or 7 months to get my divorce.He agreed to divorce me,otherwise the divorce process when one party does not agree can take years.
Since then socially I got a new role and that is a divorced woman or a widow. As such a woman I would be responsible for all I would do and happens to me.As a divorced woman I had more freedom regarding choosing my job, leaving the country, leaving the house, different relationships and etc. Also I had to face different social reactions to my new role, such like rejections,not being welcomed or accepted in many places ,putdowns and etc.



California,USA
October 2004.