mariamusic

Printed in November 2003 edition of the TA Times.This is the uneditted version of it



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Now a days in my life facing my aunt ( my late father's sister) and realizing how weak and scared I am before her and this type of culture, I realize how come people do and turn to what they have become this part of the world. Punish,beat someone else before the restof eyes,frightening act like, over nurturing controling like,put downs ,and if not all, but most would obey like sheeps.Atleast sheeps do have kept some sense of their natural identity of being animals ,autonomy(?), People--me include -- almost have lost that.

Talking about sheeps is reminding me a short story ,a true one actually, said by a village boy. That once a wolf came and attacked the herd, he went to a sheep as his target for food,most likely.
the boys could make noises and so on to save the herd and the sheep and make the wolf runaway, though that particular sheep acted like being hypnothised (sp?), poor thing would run after,for the wolf to be eaten by him...the poor sheep had fallen inlove(?).
The boys had to hit the sheep by sticks, pushing the creator back, to drag the attention away from the wolf and to the herd....I would like to know what happened next to that particular sheep....
maybe I could make up the rest of the story sometime later.who knows?

How about west? My aunt in law is my guest, she is living with me for almost 4 months or so. An american Citizen. The other one also came along for a short visit. While here people get okness for being a better slave to their culture, seems to me its the same the other part of the world. Just the okness is different. You are Ok if you are open minded, highly obeying type of personality,which actually is Rebel like, and cherishing the big Parental figures. Those who are different are called names. insane, crazy, bitch or bastards,dirty, impolite, tighten minded, fool, stupid, and etc. etc.

So what kind of life is going to one live? choose. be oneself and buy all those names aside the life and love you would be able to live and feel inside, or follow the rhyme, the sounds, the voices, which non stop makes noises in the head or in the closed, bordered space called script,culture or nationality or ...etc.etc.

I read stuff and I'm faced by comments such as westernized countries are more of a FreeChild. How true that is ? it's something to be discovered by myself,I guess. I understand given more rights, given more oportunity to talk ones mind, and I have come to realize ,less belittled inside ,then one takes the role of Child in a transaction. However does that mean more of FreeChild? or lots of being adapted to act like what FreeChild is described in those kind of cultures?Having more fun? going out with friends, sex, boyfriends,girlfriends, datings, travelings, working, giving women rights, children are highly protected by laws and etc, etc....

I don't know what type of future is going to be faced by me.Although exploring it sounds like a joyful adventure.Measuring my abilities to confront the unknown is a big question and how well I'll be able to handle it,another one.

Maryam.
Tehran,Iran
Sep. 2003.