mariamusic

Printed in May 2005 edition of the TA Times.
(not edited version)
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As a woman I will have to wear hejab when I leave the house,or at any occasion when I appear in public.As a hejab I wear a scarf to cover my hair and a long coat to cover my body.The family which I have got adapted in is considered as a religious one.I as a girl had to start my religous duties such as praying,fasting , hejab and etc since I was 9 years old.This is a rule for girls. Boys do start theirs since they are 18 years old.Children do stay home with their mothers while fathers go out for work. In some families both parents have jobs and need to leave the house,in such cases the children either are already going to school or kindigarten or they are left home with family members such like older sister or brothers,grand mothers,aunts...etc. My father and mother seperated when I was 7 or 8 years old,so it was my aunt who took the role of an almost mother for me. I did spend lots of my time at her house and my uncles' houses when my father was at work or when I would come home from school. It was forbidden for me to stay home alone. Some time to time my father would hire a servant to do the house works,while she was home it was fine for me to go straight home from school and not to my relatives.This rule had to be followed till I finished highschool and started going to the university. In many families when the girls marry,then they do considered out of their parents control.Some are as restricted as my family some are harder some take it more easy on girls.
I married when I was 20.I met him at the university. My father and the rest of the family would not agree with us to continue our relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend,neither socially at that time such a relationship was allowed.Engagement was accepted,and when nessecary had to be proven.
Premaretal sex is forbidden,recently I hear that there are lots of girls who do lose their virginity before they get married and sometimes they do never marry the man whom with they had the sexual relationship.
I stayed in that marriage for 6 years.As a married woman I had to do all I knew to make my husband happy,I had to create a safe,loving,warm house for him to come back to after work.There were also some duties which I had to follow as a wife such like obeying him as much as I could. I had a new social role and duties as a married woman,such like inviting families and friends, appearing in many different social aspects and gatherings and etc. I never gave a birth to any child during my marriage.
I got my divorce when I was 27 years old. I seperated my life and house from him when I was late 26. It took me 6 or 7 months to get my divorce.He agreed to divorce me,otherwise the divorce process when one party does not agree can take years.
Since then socially I got a new role and that is a divorced woman or a widow. As such a woman I would be responsible for all I would do and happens to me.As a divorced woman I had more freedom regarding choosing my job, leaving the country, leaving the house, different relationships and etc. Also I had to face different social reactions to my new role, such like rejections,not being welcomed or accepted in many places ,putdowns and etc.



California,USA
October 2004.

This is a version of an Iranian musical tale. I remember it used to be told to children when I was a child.


Printed August 2004 edition of the TA Times.
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Mr. Mouse and Auntie Cockroach.

Once upon a time there was this little cockroach who decided to walk through the Baazar finding a husband.

She came across the Butcher.
Said to the Butcher:"What are you going to beat me with ?"
The Butcher said :"With this big knife of mine."

She walked further,came across the Hunter.
Asked the Hunter:"What are you going to punish me with?"
The Hunter said :"Tieing you up with this thick rope of mine."

She walked further,came across the Carpenter.
"What are you going to hit me with?"
"With this ax of mine."

She walked further,came across the Goldsmith.
"What are you going to buy me with?"
"With this hand full of gold of mine."

She walked further,came across the Molla.
"Whom are you going to share me with?"
"With a house full of chidren and other wives."

She walked and walked,came across various types. untill she meets the Mr. Mouse.
"What are you going to treat me with?"
"With this soft ,thin tail of mine."

So they got married.

California,USA
2004

Printed in November 2003 edition of the TA Times.This is the uneditted version of it



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Now a days in my life facing my aunt ( my late father's sister) and realizing how weak and scared I am before her and this type of culture, I realize how come people do and turn to what they have become this part of the world. Punish,beat someone else before the restof eyes,frightening act like, over nurturing controling like,put downs ,and if not all, but most would obey like sheeps.Atleast sheeps do have kept some sense of their natural identity of being animals ,autonomy(?), People--me include -- almost have lost that.

Talking about sheeps is reminding me a short story ,a true one actually, said by a village boy. That once a wolf came and attacked the herd, he went to a sheep as his target for food,most likely.
the boys could make noises and so on to save the herd and the sheep and make the wolf runaway, though that particular sheep acted like being hypnothised (sp?), poor thing would run after,for the wolf to be eaten by him...the poor sheep had fallen inlove(?).
The boys had to hit the sheep by sticks, pushing the creator back, to drag the attention away from the wolf and to the herd....I would like to know what happened next to that particular sheep....
maybe I could make up the rest of the story sometime later.who knows?

How about west? My aunt in law is my guest, she is living with me for almost 4 months or so. An american Citizen. The other one also came along for a short visit. While here people get okness for being a better slave to their culture, seems to me its the same the other part of the world. Just the okness is different. You are Ok if you are open minded, highly obeying type of personality,which actually is Rebel like, and cherishing the big Parental figures. Those who are different are called names. insane, crazy, bitch or bastards,dirty, impolite, tighten minded, fool, stupid, and etc. etc.

So what kind of life is going to one live? choose. be oneself and buy all those names aside the life and love you would be able to live and feel inside, or follow the rhyme, the sounds, the voices, which non stop makes noises in the head or in the closed, bordered space called script,culture or nationality or ...etc.etc.

I read stuff and I'm faced by comments such as westernized countries are more of a FreeChild. How true that is ? it's something to be discovered by myself,I guess. I understand given more rights, given more oportunity to talk ones mind, and I have come to realize ,less belittled inside ,then one takes the role of Child in a transaction. However does that mean more of FreeChild? or lots of being adapted to act like what FreeChild is described in those kind of cultures?Having more fun? going out with friends, sex, boyfriends,girlfriends, datings, travelings, working, giving women rights, children are highly protected by laws and etc, etc....

I don't know what type of future is going to be faced by me.Although exploring it sounds like a joyful adventure.Measuring my abilities to confront the unknown is a big question and how well I'll be able to handle it,another one.

Maryam.
Tehran,Iran
Sep. 2003.